Ok, here's what I wanted to post...

So... I posted a list just this morning of the things I need to do. Being tough on myself, etc. You know what I really wanted to post? You know what I almost always want to post? What fills my sick little mind?

Eating Disorder thoughts.

I want to be sick. I want to indulge in my eating disorder like there is no tomorrow. I want to stuff myself and  vomit. And then I want to starve myself until there is nothing left.

I want to run and run and run. And then do yoga for the rest of the day.

I want to feel that awesome sense of control and savor harboring my secret.

I want to watch the numbers go down, down down.

I want to act on these thoughts that are always always always in my head! Because they are always there. They never turn off. They never go away. They never leave me alone.

Time to shape the fuck up! My resolutions:

1. Write an effin' blog post already! A real one - this list shit doesn't count. It's been more than six months! If you can't keep up a blog you have no sense in having one!
2. Get a job. One that pays money this time! Enough of being complacent in your easy job with the convenient location and great hours. It doesn't pay the bills! Just get real already! In order to make a REAL living you might need to inconvenience yourself just a bit! 
3. Clean up the fucking house! It's a pig sty! And don't do it just once... you're going to have to maintain the order by cleaning regularly!
4. Take the pets to the vet. What kind of irresponsible pet owner are you? You may not be swimming in money but instead of getting pizza every Friday you could take the dog and cat in for proper care!
5. And get them groomed while you're at it! The dog STINKS to high heaven! Shell out the bucks to have someone clean her!
6. THROW SHIT OUT! Shouldn't be that hard. You've got a lotta shit laying around. If it's shit it should be thrown out. End of story!
7. Go to the grocery store on a regular basis and cook real, balanced meals!
8. Stop drinking! What's it getting you? I know you're not an alcoholic, but the money and calories you waste with booze isn't worth the moments of dulled pleasure it gives you... Think about it!
9. Balance your budget. You're wasting your money on lots of shit and spending like you make way more than you do. Even if I can't prove it you KNOW it's true!
10. Here's where we get serious: either love your husband, or leave him...