So... I posted a list just this morning of the things I need to do. Being tough on myself, etc. You know what I really wanted to post? You know what I almost always want to post? What fills my sick little mind?
Eating Disorder thoughts.
I want to be sick. I want to indulge in my eating disorder like there is no tomorrow. I want to stuff myself and vomit. And then I want to starve myself until there is nothing left.
I want to run and run and run. And then do yoga for the rest of the day.
I want to feel that awesome sense of control and savor harboring my secret.
I want to watch the numbers go down, down down.
I want to act on these thoughts that are always always always in my head! Because they are always there. They never turn off. They never go away. They never leave me alone.
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